5 most common regrets the dying have

Priorities become crystal clear when people know their days are numbered, Bronnie Ware realized while working with terminally ill patients. She shares the five most common regrets the dying have

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Bronnie Ware is a writer and songwriter from Australia who spent several years caring for dying people in their homes. She has recently released a full-length book titled 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing'. It is a memoir of her own life and how it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she cared for.

Marriage Twists and Turns

Dated: July 29th 2003

Dear All,

"Marriage, Shaadi !!" this is one of the Hottest topics of discussion at Home and in Office this week........ something I thought I could share with U all !!

The mere mention of this word brings to life images from movies such as "DDLH - Dilwale Dulhania......" and "HAHK - Hum Aapke........." !!

But is "Marriage" the same stuff which we see in these larger than Life Movies............. Enjoy it for 3hrs and come back to reality or.......................... is it something much more serious................
" A decision of a Lifetime" ...................almost a matter of "Life & Death" !!

Let me just brief U on the stuff which prompted me to write this article:

The Scene:
A Beautiful Sunday Morning...... a Holiday......a Week-end Break......... and a day when U wake-up very very early......... approx. 10:00 hrs !! U are so enthusiastic and Energetic............ that U actually plan not to do anything but just to laze around doing nothing !! The Perfect Scenario !!


The Twist:
U get a call at 10:00 hrs from one of Ur closest Colleagues in Office (with whom U think U can share almost all of Ur personal and Private Secrets) telling U that he is getting Married at 10:30 hrs and U have to reach his place within the next 1/2 hour !!

The Climax:
U give a call again in the next 1 hour and U are told that the Marriage Ceremony is OVER !!

Now compare this situation to a Jeniffer Lopez- Ben Affleck Wedding, where the couple has been contemplating Marriage for more than a Year now !! I even read stories of some Hollywood Actress who postponed her wedding just becos Her designer, Wedding gown was not ready !!

It is said that "Marriages are made in HEAVEN", so probably people should not waste time in implementing a strategy which has (if I can say) already been published. Possibly, the only delay could be for looking out for a "Marriage Hall & the Caterers" - which I heard is in short stock nowadays. There are cases where "Marriage Halls" seem to have been booked for a year in advance and the available dates are only after a year !!

But the real problem then begins.......just after the sweet images of "Marriage" ........ as shown in our popular Bollywood Block-busters spiced up with Song & Dance and the Even-sweeter "Honey Moon" is over !!

Let's consider the Financial implications of the items listed below:

a. The 3 basic requirements - Roti, Kapda & Makaan
b. Maintenance cost of ...... obviously............... Maintaining a WIFE !!
c. Long term financial implications of Maintaing another Output i.e. a Son/ Daughter within the stipulated period of 9 months 7 days (+/- some days...... pardon my ignorance !!)
d. Supporting Ur earlier household ......... i.e. people called Father & Mother !!

The entire scenario if seen in terms of it's total Financial implications is simply "TERRIFYING" !!

I haven't even taken into consideration the "TENSION" and the "Stress" factors:
a. The trouble of explaining to one-and-all about Ur sudden impulsive decision for a "Run-away Love Marriage" !!
b. The stress and strain of actually "Running" when attempting "Marriage" !!
c. The tensions U have to go through for planning & implementing a "Running Marriage" !!
d. The post-marriage frictions between Ur latest Model "Wife" and the outdated Model "Mother"
e. The Joy of knowing Ur Vegetable vendor, the Milk-man, the Local Baniya personally
and last but not the least.................
f. The revelations on the latest Vegetable & Dal-Atta prices !!

Just to conclude;
Marriage is that Ladoo - Joh Khaye woh pachtaye, Joh na khaye woh bhi pachtaye !!

And just in case; anyone of U is planning a similar "Run-away Marriage", please inform the undersigned in advance so as to prepare himself for the Shocking News and the post-Event reactions !! The post-marriage scenario is simply ................ INTERESTING - Almost equivalent to a Post-Nuclear fallout !!

And before I conclude; some interesting stuff I collected on one of my most favourite topics called "Love" !!

Let me present it for U !!

Here's What Your Eyes Can Do For You !!

Women & Men, both are intuitive. They can sense if you are desperate or confident by the way you look at them.

Why Should You Use Your Eyes 'Correctly'? Well, because if you don't you may ruin the chances of successfully approaching someone you like.

Here are the signals you send depending upon the way in which you make eye contact: When You Look Away After Establishing Eye Contact.This action implies weakness. When you establish eye contact with her for the first time, let her break the look. You may be uncomfortable, but try it; it works!

When You Avoid Looking Into Her Eyes.You're sending a message that you lack experience with women, are shy, or lack confidence. When You Stare Too Hard.Oh-Oh.you'll end up making her severely uncomfortable.

The general rule is that men, who haven't had too much experience with women, tend to stare at women very lustfully. This can make women instantly wary and apprehensive about being around them.

When you look her directly in the eye-with confidence.This one has its advantages: First, you express your obvious interest in her. Second, you can observe and read what she is communicating through her eye contact.

If you look at her in a comfortable, confident and subtle manner that says, "I can have you!", this is very challenging to women and a turn on.

Hope this is of use to U All............ can also be used by the Ladies !!

MAY U ALL LIVE HEAVILY & HAPPILY EVER AFTER .....Eagerly waiting to hear from U all........... Very soon !!

Regards,

Sandeep Narayan
Falling in love is a sweet Ambition,
Finding true love is a Life time Mission.......
Take my word, follow the Indian tradition.........
& Marry Ur Dad's ugly decision........ !!!!!!

Who said Indians lack humour?

Source: Sivamani Vasudevan

I vouch, we, Indians, are a humorous lot. A dolphin may not laugh (except in cartoons) and a dog may not smile (but for wagging its tail when happy). But an Indian lives and breathes by humour. We are neither as dry as desert sand nor as stiff as a stick. Here is an account.

When a septuagenarian went to the treasury to draw his pension, he was turned away as he did not produce a certificate that he was “alive” and kicking. When he finally managed to produce the coveted trophy (which he got on payment of one month's pension), it was turned down again on the precious ground that it was not from the same doctor who pronounced him alive the previous year. When the poor old soul represented that the said (last year's?) doctor pre-deceased him, he was admonished for not obtaining the letter before the physician left for the heavenly abode! This is quite tolerable at least, given the mindset of our babus.

To another octogenarian, the treasury staff said that as per their records, he was already gone, exited from this planet for good. Can there be a crueler joke than this?

A woman who gave birth to a male child in a hospital was reported to have become the mother of a girl child instead, even before she could recover from her post-natal pains. Gender transplant in minutes? Is it achievable anywhere else? She herself could not believe this. Those who read this from the morning newspapers laughed it off as a joke. Is there any dearth of humour? (that the case was cracked, thanks to an alert policemen, and the original child was restored is a different story).

One day, a customer came to the bank where I served and informed my superior (who was not very comfortable with English) in writing that the other partner of his firm died the previous day. The letter was marked to me for ledger noting. When the customer called the next day and regretted that he had conveyed the date of death wrongly, my superior took one more letter and marked it to me with the remarks, “Customer wrongly died yesterday. Now correctly dead. Note.” The whole bank staff roared with laughter when I shared this with them during our training sessions at our central office. Is there any short supply of such unintended humour among office-goers?

A humble, submissive and ever-obliging tailor of our village, when confronted on the road over the delay in the delivery of clothes, would unhesitatingly assure us that the work would be done in a couple of days, though no cloth was given for stitching in the first place.

A government liquor shop employee recently consumed the “liquid gold” in excess on New Year eve and left for home, keeping the shop wide open and free for all. Who said we are a serious lot?

When our revered judges ordered that instead of allowing grains to rot in government godowns and eaten away by rodents, it should be distributed among the hungry public, there was apprehension that such a freebie culture would ruin our farming economy and that the rights of the executive (read government) should not be infringed upon. What is the right they were talking about, the right for rotting or keeping the people hungry? Could there be better humour?

A super fast point-to-point train was introduced between two main cities. Everybody clapped as the prestigious train was flagged off. It sped station after station only to stop later between every two stations for track and signal clearance. Now commuters wait between the two so-called “non-stopping” stations to board and alight, right in front of their homes. (My NRI friend innocently asked me whether the non-stop train would stop at the destination at least?) Who said our sense of humour is a shade weak?

There is a joke that if Indian cricketers are playing the second innings better, why not they play their second innings first?

A man, wrongly declared dead, woke up in the mortuary van in the middle of the night while being taken to the cemetery and the horrified kin fled the scene so fast that the man died after heart attack at being left in the lurch by his own dear ones.

Here is one for the road (again from my banking experience): Earlier, there was a practice of sending secret-coded telegraphic messages among all bank branches, while transferring funds. Many a time, the messages reached the destinations in distorted forms due to transmission errors. There was always the necessity of phoning up the receiving branch again and spelling out each alphabet of the coded words. While doing so, as sound clarity was lacking in telephone line transmissions, bankers used expanded word forms for each alphabet, like “B” for “Bombay” and “O” for “Orange.” My superior once innocently and hurriedly used “N” for “knowledge.” The whole banking hall, including the customers waiting there, were in splits.

One of my colleagues said it could have been pardonable had he spelt “N” for “Knife.”